Sometimes, MS Just Stinks

When I was diagnosed with MS, I think every single neurologist I saw warned me about pregnancy. Mind you, I was 13 years old! Then, before Doug and I were married, my neuro talked through what pregnancy would be like with both of us. I would have to go off of the only MS medicine that has ever worked for me, let it get out of my system, and then try and get pregnant. Doug and I had planned carefully when we should move forth with a family, knowing that God held it all in his hands.

My last dose of Tysabri was taken in September. It would take three months for it to get out of my system, and it would be completely out by December. Mind you, my body has not been without medicine since 2006. But as I usually do, I push through all the MS-stuff that gets in my way. We didn’t really notice anything until the middle or the end of December. We found out weeks later that I had actually gotten pregnant by then! Yay!

I started a full-blown relapse about the beginning of January. Church ladies had been super helpful, but when my husband chose taking care of me above school, we knew something had to be done. Me, always in contact with my neuro, got on some steroids right away, but I was admitted into the hospital, where I could have constant care and not worry about silly falls. My parents were in Florida at a farmer’s conference thing, so the decision was made for me to go home with them the remaining of first trimester. Then, Doug could concentrate on school and not spend every spare moment worried about me, and I could have some more constant care by those who were there when the whole MS thing started.

Since I’ve been home, I got on another three-days of steroids, have actually seen my neuro at the Mayo Clinic, and saw my baby on an ultrasound! Each day I get stronger. You know, until the days I realized just how much I’d pushed myself the previous day. Then it’s back in a wheelchair and resting so that I can accidently push myself on another day. Tomorrow, I head back to the Mayo Clinic to see PT and OT. THEY will decide when I can head back, in a way. Can I take care of myself? Can I stand and not fall? Can I WALK and not fall?

It KILLS me to have to be here, waiting to get better. I’ve decided to DO something about it, though. I want to hold and to play with my baby when he or she is born. I have been putting off PT orders since I was diagnosed back in middle school. But now I have a reason to want to keep up doing what I still can. Daily stretching? Daily exercise? I‘ve been down this road before. What I do today may not be noticed by my body for days or even weeks. I may wear myself out too far and knock me down for a couple days. But Baby M.

Thank you all for the prayers that have been sent up on my behalf. Keep them coming! MS is nasty, and all my frustration toward the situation is aimed at that. But I AM getting better! Even on weak days, I notice things I can do that I hadn’t been able to do before. Stay well, my friends! I will write again sooner than later! ❤

Anna

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes, MS Just Stinks

  1. Dang as I read your post, I can see the tension you are holding Anna. The sadness and frustration of having MS, being away from you hubby, and the challenges that are coming with wanting to be your best for your baby, yourself, and for God.

    I can see you struggling through this trial with yourself: you know what’s best, and have been avoidant of the inevitable. And now, you are being forced to do what’s best (I read that when you explained that you’ve been avoiding PT since middle school). Its hard, its extraneous and maybe your feeling guilty for not doing the things you should have done sooner.

    But can I say this? You are persevering 🙂 God always knows what we can deal with in our character at the time. And He knows what He can bring in at what time. PT is going to be a huge challenge now, but at least now, you WILL do it! For your family first, and then yourself, maybe second. Maybe it will soon become a first priority. But in all, you are doing this because God loves you and wants everything for your good!

    I love you Anna! Thank you for your vulnerability in this post and being a great example of self control and perseverance! You are loved 🙂

  2. Dear Anna,
    reading your post brought back good memories of my first pregnancy! I pray for you and your family that everything works out like you need it, knowing that we are all in gods loving care.
    The little one in the picture seems to be waving with one arm and we would love to get to know her/him over here in Germany some day! May God bless you all! Melanie

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