As We Wait

I understand my last post was heavy, but the sun is shining again! Lydia has now fixed her language of explanation: “Mom and Dad are adopting me a sister or brother!” And she is also making an adoption plan for a toy that she’s saving up for. After she gets enough money, she is going to “adopt” a stuffed animal Chase from Paw Patrol to play with her stuffed animal Skye the same size. Be still my heart!

As we wait for our last trainings, we are reading a book called “Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft.” We are not very far into the book, but we realized that back when we started talking about adoption, we were thinking about an older child (but younger than Lydia). We have no idea the child God has in store for us, nor the age by time we welcome him or her into our family. But we are preparing for any child 0-5, because Lydia is currently 6. I didn’t fully understand all the trauma of an adopted toddler, and I still don’t completely comprehend. But one thing I did learn? The Chihuahua we adopted a year and a half ago is showing similar traits. I almost laughed, but I understand our dog so much more! The barking at the people she doesn’t trust, the clinging to those she completely does. The protecting of her “person” (that’s me, by the way…she’s never far off!).

We have decided to begin preparations for our new child. We have a spare bedroom – always meant for kid number two, in my book. Doug and I have been listing ideas how we can “toddler-proof” and clean out the current guest bedroom. The book encourages adoptive parents in their preparation, validating “nesting” before a new child and making it feel more real. I found this poem in the book, as well, and it spoke to my heart.

Song of the Waiting Mother

…

I’m pregnant, but my tummy isn’t growing,

And no one ever calls me ‘little mom.’

The public simply isn’t overflowing

With questions that I’d handle with aplomb.

…

There are no special clothes to mark my waiting.

Nobody stops and smiles as I pass by.

The absence of a due-date is frustrating

And looking at the nursery makes me cry.

…

When I’m overdue no one will worry.

The phone won’t ring and ring as friends check in.

I can’t induce my labor in a hurry,

My new life as a parent to begin.

…

Adoption is a worrisome endeavor,

And waiting all alone is not much fun.

To be ‘with child’ a year seems like forever.

Dear God, we’re ready! Please send us our son!

…

By Christine Futia, 1989

We have a little way to go before our home study even begins, and who knows how much longer until a match is made. It could be fast, or it could take years. The lack of a due-date is frustrating.

In the meantime, I wait. I wait and prepare myself. I wait and prepare Lydia. I wait, as patiently as I can (God help me!). Doug and I are learning. Preparing. And when God says it’s finally time, we’ll be ready.

Blessings, friends!

Anna

Grief and Waiting

Grief. It’s an odd thing. Dictionary dot com defines it as, “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” I’m a typically happy person. I was accused in college: “You can’t possibly be this happy all the time!” But I was. That was a season of discovering myself and growing in my relationship with Jesus in a way I hadn’t before. I know what can happen if I simmer in sadness and isolation, and I don’t want the anxiety or depression to get a grasp on me. I’ve had those seasons, too. It took a counselor in college telling me that it was okay to grieve the MS diagnosis. I think I am re-grieving the diagnosis, the progression, and toll it has taken on my body. When I became pregnant with Lydia, I started using a rollator walker. My spasticity was not good, but I was using it to walk. My spasticity is better now, though I am in a wheelchair all the time. We don’t know what another pregnancy would do to my body. I am stable now, on medication to help. DrH and I have always talked about adopting. Now done with training, we can together focus on doing an application. While doing trainings, it is talked about how adoptive parents may feel grief because they aren’t having the baby. “Not me,” I thought. I haven’t miscarried, nor do I struggle with infertility. But I was wrong about that grief.

I’m not much of a crier, but I was in tears last night. I wasn’t sure where it was coming from at first. DrH and I talked a long time. It’s not only the fact that I can’t have children. Even on birth control, I knew that God can do the impossible. It was a prayer in my heart that I would “accidently” get pregnant again. But God knows what’s best. He always does. And as we’re going through the process of applications, home study, and trainings to take home a child, I have felt a wave of sorrow wash over me. I will not experience the joy of pregnancy. Of keeping track of the growing being inside me. Even with all the hardships that come with pregnancy, there really is nothing like it.

In an article I found on iMom dot com, it gave a list of dos and don’ts for when a woman you know has a miscarriage. The very first don’t on the list was something I do all the time: “Don’t try to solve her pain with platitudes or talking about the positives.” That is my go-to for many things in life. Probably not in the way the article is referring, but I try to bring positives to the light, even if someone doesn’t want to see it. (Yes. I am that highly annoying happy morning person.) That point continues, “Let her come to the bright side on her own.” But that’s hard for everyone. At least I didn’t have to suffer a miscarriage. At least my body is still stable. At least. At least. But I know that God has our next child picked out for us.

The waiting. Oh, the waiting. We can inactively wait, or we can intentionally wait. I found an article on iBelieve dot com that discussed the choice of being stuck in our suffering or intentionally waiting on God. The Bible has so many examples of both. Isaiah 40:31 says, “But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not become weary, they will walk and not faint.” We all know God can do anything. He can turn every situation around, as well. We just need to shift our focus. The article says, “If we can recognize that being stuck is a fragment of our anxious imagination, then we can shift our thinking to intentional waiting instead.” So while I wait, I think I’ll love on my daughter, while she is still the only kid in the house. While I wait, I am going to read my Bible more. While I wait, I’ll be intentional and never lose the hope that our God has for us.

Be blessed, my friends.

Anna

While I’m Waiting

God has healed me, this I know. All I want now is to be physically restored. God told me to keep praying for it. I keep praying and asking others to pray with me. “I’m weak physically…pray that I can get stronger.” I don’t even know how many times I’ve prayed and asked others to pray that same thing.

And then it hit me. Like a piano falling from a tenth floor apartment building, when someone slipped and it went out the window. Okay, maybe not that hard. Yes, I can pray for my restoration. But what is God using me for NOW? What should I be getting out of the way to let him do?

I pause and reflect on this. A few weeks ago, I screenshot a note from a dear friend of mine: “Thanks lady for your constant encouragement, light shining, and energy! Trust me it’s happening even if you don’t necessarily feel it! 😊 You keep rocking you! 😊” I am an encourager. The dictionary defines encourage as “to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence; to stimulate by assistance, approval, etc; to promote, advance, or foster.”  I think the person I relate to most in the Bible is Barnabas. His name means “son of encouragement” (Acts 4:36). Barnabas was an encourager for sure. Acts 11:23 records, “When Barnabas arrived [in Antioch] and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.” Verse 24 continues about Barnabas, “He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.” I read a devo this morning that talked about the adventure of faith in being a Christian. “The fuel to deep you going is your passion,” it read. “Passion is that unapologetic willingness and enthusiasm to do what God has called us to do.” Enthusiasm has several different definitions in the dictionary. “Lively interest” and “any various forms of extreme religious devotion, usually associated with intense enthusiasm and a break with orthodoxy,” are a few. I had never thought of enthusiasm as being religious. It does make sense, however, if you break it down and look at the Greek. En means “in,” and theos means “God.” So, if you are in God, you have enthusiasm.

I am enthusiastic about seeing brothers and sisters uplifted. I wast to be a good woman, full of the Holy Spirit and faith. Seeing people brought to the Lord, whether for the first time, or just a return after being encouraged…that’s an added bonus.

Be blessed, my friends!

Anna E. Meyer

What are you doing while waiting for God to answer your big prayers?

Source: Caine, Christine. Unshakeable. YouVersion Plan, Zondervan. Day 4.

2018 Focuses (Cuz Goals are Scary)

The new year came, then passed like any ordinary day. All this talk about planning what you’re going to do this year? No thanks. I’ll just take the year and be surprised at what comes my way. That’ll work, right? (Insert wince face here….)

A list of things to do in the year is intimidating. Most people’s lists consist of things like “get more organized” and “lose weight.” Ahh! Too big of things! (And then we get upset when the list isn’t completed by February!?)

On the 3rd, God told me the word “restoration” through a friend. “Healing and restoration are two different things. You’ve been healed, now you just need to wait for your restoration,” Lora told me.

“Hang it up on your bathroom mirror, and every morning, thank God for your restoration!” my friend Gary told me. I had been thanking God for years for my healing (not always consistently) before I was healed. But now, I just need to thank Him for my restoration.

And then, on the 5th, I read this blog by my friend Chelsea. In it, she talks about how she asked God what she should focus on in 2018. Ask God…I felt a nudge. I printed out the worksheet she had made to assist others in praying about 2018, and I sat down with my journal to hang out with Jesus. Here are the points He told me to focus on this year:

• Patience/Waiting
• Building myself up
• Loving Lydia
• Pray for others

Then, I went back to each point and asked God more about each.

• Patience/Waiting. Doug and I are planning on adopting kid #2, but we can’t even take classes until next August or September. We made this decision last October. At first, I didn’t even realize we’d be able to take the classes at all, but it made me feel a whole lot better knowing when we’ll have time to do so. Second is waiting for my body’s restoration. I know it’ll come; I just have to wait for it. And in all this waiting, I can pray. For the things I’m waiting for, as well as things I don’t even know about yet. I asked God if either of those things would come to be this calendar year. He told me that I’ll just have to wait and see.
• Building up my confidence, more specifically. Over this last year, I have been a mom, a wife, and a manager of my household. All these things are good, yes, but I’ve kind of buried the Anna. I’m still involved in Bible studies, mom’s groups, and the spouses of med students organization, but. But what about the things I love doing? Writing fiction? Actually developmental editing somebody else’s work, like I took classes last spring to do? Goodness, I don’t even play piano as much anymore. I thought giving lessons again this spring would be a thing, but it sure hasn’t yet! The thing is, I don’t have enough confidence doing these things. I like them, but sharing them? God told me to make time for these things and share them. I asked if I would publish one of my books this year or get paid to edit somebody’s work. He told me? Yep, you guessed it. I’ll just have to wait and see.

Photo credit Stephanie Nicole Photography

•  Loving Lydia. My current family. “Don’t get so caught up in preparing for kid #2 that you forget about kid #1,” God told me. Tonight, days after God told me all this, Doug told me to make sure I love Lydia more than the nannies that we pay to help with her do. When Lydia gets hurt? She doesn’t even come to me. It’s either her daddy or the nanny currently working. I can’t always have my work desk in the kitchen; I need another space. That way, when I’m in the kitchen (which is connected to the living room), I can BE PRESENT.
• Pray for others. I have prayed for so many strangers out loud, even in the middle of a waiting room. I like praying out loud with family, friends, strangers, whoever I feel like I’m supposed to pray with at that moment. I pray in my head, too, because sometimes I don’t have confidence to pray for somebody. But thank you, Jesus, that I have come so far in that area! There are seven billion people in the world. Oh, that I could bless a few!

And so, along with the post-it note that will go on my mirror, I will keep a typed up list of these things, too. These are the things I shall focus on in 2018. What will you focus on?

Be blessed,

Anna E. Meyer

20+ Things I’ve Learned So Far This Summer

I have been learning so much this summer, and I’ve had incredible opportunities to give music lessons, write, compose, and even read from the stack of books I’ve held since Christmas. As I was reflecting on all of this, I, being the kind of person I am, made a list. So here it is. 20 things I’ve learned so far this summer:

1. If a student is willing to do a lesson every week, give them a lesson every week, even though it’s summer.

2. How to tell if a student has practiced, no matter what they tell you.

3. Mothers have a lot of power over their kids and love to hear that their child is improving.

4. I can teach students, no matter their level (yay confidence boost!).

5. A student will practice more if: they were humiliated by lack of knowledge at a previous lesson (unintentional on my part), they like their instrument and know that they are getting better, they have a nagging mother, and/or teenage hormones that want them to impress their young female instructor (who looks younger than she is).

6. I’m a good encourager (already knew this, but now in a new situation, I guess).

.7. If our neighbor, Tim Louwagie, cuts hay, it’ll rain (no matter the forecast).

8. Pongo (our dog) isn’t as bad as I thought, and talking to him instead of myself is deemed socially acceptable, even preferred.

9. No texting while driving tractor.

10. I’m more like my dad than I thought.

11. I can’t cook unless the food item was frozen and/or came from a box.

12. Whomever I marry must be able to cook or like frozen dinners.

13. I really love a lot of things and can’t wait to graduate and dive in to life.

14. Though many have a hard time understanding me, my mom usually knows what I mean when I say something.

15. My parents get credit for my humor. If you don’t get any of it, I don’t think you qualify as much of a friend, sorry.

16. Mowing lawn affects allergies, especially if it’s a bit windy outside.

17. Mowing lawn going fast isn’t the smartest thing if you don’t want it to be sloppy and you get paid by the hour.

18. This farmyard can hold 50+ cars at a time, if needed.

19. MS is super annoying and sucks a lot, but I am way better at dealing with the heat than I was a couple years ago.

20. God’s plan and his timing are perfect, no matter how grumpy I am about it.

I’m pretty sure I could make this list 50 and would still have things to say about what I’ve learned so far this summer, but I’ll only give you some. I’ve also been learning and experiencing a ton how God hears us and answers our prayers. Some much sooner than others, but it’s a great thing. I prayed about giving lessons at home, cuz it didn’t sound like there would be anyone. ¾ of my students get lessons from my house. I prayed about getting this story I’ve been working on published, and I’ve received tons of assurance and encouragement from others on the journey. I also have decided on seminary after I’m done with undergrad at Augie, and I am super excited to begin the search process and see if I can’t teach at the same time. I told a friend that it’s like I metaphorically got earwax removed, cuz I’m hearing God tons. It’s great. That would be 21, probably. God is awesome—period. What are you learning this summer?

Anna