Things in Lists

Things I Find Easy:
– Being happy when Dr. Wile E. Coyote comes home for lunch and seeing him when we’re both at home in the evening (which, such as last night, was 9pm. Other times I’m home.  Other times I’m at work and it’s like 6 or 7).
– Writing Christian-based stories, poems, and blogs (and, if you’ve been following my blog here for awhile, may have seen a few stories and poems here and there, also! Feel free to check out the archives).
– Sleeping in our super-duper comfy bed (thanks, Papa Meyer!).

Things I Find Difficult:
– Remembering that my husband loves cell biology and is also a neat freak because of it (thus, the farm girl in me who doesn’t mind dirt and fat in meats gets only a tad annoyed).
– Researching agents who represent christian authors (and trying to figure out how to go about this whole “publishing” thing).
– Being a morning person after much disrupted sleep (because the whole symptom thing kind of stinks).

Things I Find Often:
– That I like to pray for my husband because God is super faithful.
– That I  looooove to write (and make lists, apparently) — I can’t stop, even if I tried.
– That I notice the MS, especially when I forget about a few of the exercises.

Things I Find Sometimes:
– A crabby husband (but don’t worry, he’s usually good at letting me in on why he’s stressed and a little….uncooperative?  Then I can help).
– An empty notebook (you know, the college-ruled kind that is on sale right now for back to school stuff.  *cough*).
– Stretching works!

Things I Find More Often Than I Thought I Would:
– An Anna hug when needed eases some stress and brings comfort; a Doug hug when needed is a release of tension and anxiety and no-more-words-just-ahhh.
– More than one book on our bookshelf by one author.
– Stretching works.

Things I Plan on Finding:
– Date night every week (smiley face).
– A whole lot of students that I can teach something at my music lesson job!
– A helpful exercise routine that my PTs keep telling me about..

Things I Hope to Find:
– Osteopathic Manipulative Treatment is amazing!
– An agent who is interested in selling my book!?
– What? Not even strangers notice the MS?

 

Other Things to Update You With:

– Dr. Wile E. Coyote is adapting to this med-student thing, and by next year, he’ll have it down.

– Work for me at Sound House Music has picked up a bit (and we expect it to pick up more with school starting and word getting out that I can teach all percussion, brass, woodwind, and piano).

– I have an infusion scheduled for Friday because THE ORDERS FOR MY MEDS CAME IN (after three weeks to a month of this hassle, mind you, but it did come!).

 

Sign-Offs:

– Peace out.

– Love you all!

– I like lists.

Anna

Letting You in My Walls…

I was diagnosed with MS when I was thirteen years old.  It will NEVER define me.  People who know me don’t see my limp anymore, unless it’s worse than usual.  People who know I have MS forget because I don’t let it get me down and I am positive a lot of the time.  I don’t let people see in on the secret that every single day has its own struggle.  I cover up the knowledge that I’m getting a teensy bit worse with a smile.  If I could, I myself would forget about the disease, as well.  But it becomes more difficult to manage when I pretend it’s not there.  If I tuck the disease away for a time, its shadow gets bigger and bigger until I can’t handle it by myself anymore.  And then who besides God do I tell?  Will anybody hear me?  Will anybody help me?  Who can do something about it? I do not want to be treated differently.

Anna, I hear.  You’re not being selfish by letting others know your struggles.  You find joy in comforting others who are struggling.  Let them find joy in comforting you.  Asking others to pray for you is not selfish, either.  It’s what I want you to do.

At the words I am reminded of my hope and the reason for my positivity: Jesus.  No, I can’t physically keep up with others.  I let them encourage me or give me a piggy-back ride.  However, I can spiritually run alongside someone else.  I can encourage them and lead them to one who is stronger than me who won’t hesitate to lift them into his arms to carry them: Jesus.

I worry because I don’t know what each day will bring, especially regarding the MS.  But Jesus whispers, Pass it over here to me.  When I do, it does not weigh me down any longer.  I get frustrated because I have more responsibility than I want; have had this responsibility for too long.  But Anna, I hear, it doesn’t have to be such a big responsibility if you keep letting me help.  So I pass that over to my Lord, as well.  There are people who care about you, Anna.  Let them in.

So I make a list, because I’m good at those.  In my list, I give reasons why I’m frustrated.  I share that even though people don’t notice my limp anymore, I do, because it’s hard walking with a limp.  I share how quickly weakness sets in and what that sometimes affects.  I share my frustration of the symptoms I deal with that nobody sees, the ones I don’t like to talk about because nobody understands them.  I make another list, a list of lies that I’ve been believing, lies that transform into stress that in turn affects my symptoms.  I make a final list, a list of ways that could help people experience and try to understand.  But who would want to make themselves physically tired and then walk around with a weight around their left ankle, just to feel how heavy it gets by the end of the day?  Who would want to wear gloves doing everyday activities just to experience my daily struggles?

I am reminded once again of the fire that burns inside now, the fires of my passion and love for my savior and redeemer, Jesus Christ.  I’ve struggled, too, I hear. And you have me.  No struggle shall overtake you, for I am bigger than it all.  And I PROMISE that we will get through this—together.

Jesus Christ is my reason for everything.  He is my shield and my refuge.  He is my strength, and he is my smile.

 

“Always” by Passion

 

My foes are many
They rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war
I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way
My help is on the way

Oh, my God
He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear
His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always

Trouble surrounds me
Chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war
I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way
My help is on the way

I lift my eyes up
My help comes from the Lord