Cloud 9 has just landed in the real world. Gulp.

Today, it hit us.  All these changes?  Everything that’s going on?  Here is what we’re dealing with this year: first year of marriage, first year in a new culture, first year of med school, first year of my job.  New friends, new church family, new place to live.  All of this is catching up and trying to drag us down.  We’re not used to being married yet.  We’ve been married for a little over a month.  We broke down Dr. Wile E. Coyote’s schedule yesterday, and it looked great on paper.  But today, the FIRST day, it is a whole lot harder than it first seemed.  I don’t like when Dr. Coyote puts so much pressure on himself, and is that normal for med students?  And the headache that always comes with switching infusion sites, sending orders, and getting authorization AND insurance right where they are supposed to be has arrived.  I have gone more than two weeks past the last time I was supposed to recieve my medicine, and my symptoms are getting worse.  I have to be extra careful now.
But you know what?  It wasn’t long after we got here that we found friends and a church family.  They already love us and lift us up in prayer– I’m speechless.  And all the people at home that are praying for us?  We are so blessed.  I feel like that has been the theme of my life as of late: seeing all of God’s blessings in my life.  And, to top it all off, I started reading Ephesians today.  God chose us and predestined us as his adopted children.  He lavishes his grace upon us all, and we, his children, have access to his mighty power!  God takes every trial or bad thing that happens to us and uses it for his glory!  Not even the best author ever could do that!  Just God.  God, who loved us so much that he sent his son, who came to us and taught us and DIED for us.  When I love someone and I don’t see them for awhile, I might send them a Christmas card, but this?  Unheard of.  Everything God’s about is totally opposite of this world, and it’s quite amazing.
I have been warned by Dr. Wile E. Coyote himself that his appetite will be going through the roof (make four servings of every meal- two for Dr. Coyote during dinner, one for me during dinner, and one for my lunch the next day.  Got it!).  I have also been noticing that he is the best procrastinator ever (he is currently running a neck ahead of one of my sisters, who won’t read this blog post anyway).  Reason numero uno why he left his video game systems at home.  My husband is going to be an awesome doctor once he finishes up this adventure that he just began.  He is the only one I know that tells me excitedly, “I love this.  It’s biology all the time! Woo!”  He came home for lunch today, and I didn’t even get a chance to say much, because he was excitedly telling me what he had been learning that morning.  Everyone nerds out about something.  (What do YOU nerd out about?)
Prayers would be much appreciated for Dr. Wile E. Coyote and his studying, my MS, and my job.  We are trying to be spouses to each other at the same time as encourage one another and get things done.

I love you all, my readers!
Anna

When Doubt Tries to Overtake, It Won’t, Because I Have God on My Side

Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something; distrust; fear; dread.

I DOUBT.

I am not confident in myself.

I doubt I am good enough.

I doubt the choices I make, all of them.

 

But if I let the Lord move through me, why do I doubt?

I FEAR.

I fear whether I have let down my hold enough for God to move.

I fear whether I am truly sincere, or if my words are simply empty words on a page.

I fear for the future, tomorrow and next year the same.

 

Why am I scared?  On top of the fear,

I WORRY.

I worry about all of which I am fearful.

I worry as a paranoid protector of my sisters and my friends.

I worry as I take trust away I have given to the Lord.

 

Do my words mean nothing?  Does anybody hear me?  I am crying out, reaching into the air onto anything I can grasp.  As I pause to take a breath, I hear a still small voice.

 

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

 

As I cast my worry on Him who is able to do much more than I could even imagine, I feel a burden lifted.  It is still there, as my grip is oh-so-tight.  I give God a laundry list of things I am worried about, asking him to take care of it all.  And I feel better.

 

I am still not confident in myself at all.

I wonder if I have been sincere.

I worry about the future, even though I try not to.

But I know that if nobody else hears me, he who loves me more than anyone on earth hears.  He promises.

I have been oh-so-blessed by family and opportunities so many don’t have.

And I have a heavenly Father who has reserved a place for all of us in the heavenly realm.

Why do we look here for things that will waste away instead of things that are eternal?

 

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I say again, rejoice!” Philippians 4:4