Being Grown-Up and Worrying (Unneccesarily)

Being grown-up is scary.  They don’t tell you that when you’re little.  When we’re little, we just want to be adults; treated like adults, respected like adults, no rules like adults?  Except adults have rules.  They need to answer to people like their landlords, employers, and the IRS, amongst all other sorts of bills and decisions made by grown-ups.  In college, I felt like I was getting used to the idea.  And then I graduated.  Bombarded by decisions to make!  Where should we live?  Given the options of a few places, which is the best?  Where should I apply to work?  There are so many things I would enjoy.  What would give me enough money to pay the rent, the bills, and for food and necessities while Dr. Wile E. Coyote is in school?  How will I make friends as an adult?  How different is it from when we’re kids?  Hopefully, less drama.  One thing I’m not too good at is big-decision-making.  I have learned to trust my gut and think about logic at kind of the same time.  Okay, so mostly spontaneous gut-feeling.  But that’s usually right. 

And then, I take a deep breath.  Being “grown up,” I realize my faith has also developed with me.  I am closer to my God now than I ever was before.  When I was a kid, I acted like a kid, and I thought like a kid.  But now that I am an almost-married woman, I must put the ways of my childhood behind me (1 Cor. 13:11).  I still have a child-like atmosphere and energy at times, and that’s okay.  I ask my roommates to cook for me because I don’t really like it, and I stay in bed as long as I can, especially when I don’t have to work.  God tells me not to worry so much in verses that I have memorized and remind myself often.  “Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” Matthew 6:34; “Do not be anxious or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9; “Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7, “BE STILL and know that I AM GOD” Psalm 46:10.  I used to worry about getting my homework done and still having time to read.  Now I worry about bigger things.  But NOTHING is too big for God.  This MS I have, that I worry about all the time?  God’s bigger than it.  He could take it away if he wanted to.  Finances and the future?  A job, a place to live, and friends?  God is bigger than everything there is.  He CREATED the world.  God is my comfort, my sword and shield.  When I’m a kid and when I’m an old geezer (I still have, like, 30 50 years to go on that).  “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still” Exodus 14:14.  I don’t have to worry about all the things I tend to worry about; because God has totally got it.  Especially when I’m grown-up. 

Sometimes I sing my roommates awake or shoot them with Nerf guns.  Sometimes I do homework and sit in front of books and stuff.  Sometimes I think about making a fort or communicate only through song.  Sometimes I pay bills and keep records of things.  And sometimes, I like to cuddle up in my heavenly father’s arms, because yes, even grown-ups do that. 

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