Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something; distrust; fear; dread.
I am not confident in myself.
I doubt I am good enough.
I doubt the choices I make, all of them.
But if I let the Lord move through me, why do I doubt?
I fear whether I have let down my hold enough for God to move.
I fear whether I am truly sincere, or if my words are simply empty words on a page.
I fear for the future, tomorrow and next year the same.
Why am I scared? On top of the fear,
I worry about all of which I am fearful.
I worry as a paranoid protector of my sisters and my friends.
I worry as I take trust away I have given to the Lord.
Do my words mean nothing? Does anybody hear me? I am crying out, reaching into the air onto anything I can grasp. As I pause to take a breath, I hear a still small voice.
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
As I cast my worry on Him who is able to do much more than I could even imagine, I feel a burden lifted. It is still there, as my grip is oh-so-tight. I give God a laundry list of things I am worried about, asking him to take care of it all. And I feel better.
I am still not confident in myself at all.
I wonder if I have been sincere.
I worry about the future, even though I try not to.
But I know that if nobody else hears me, he who loves me more than anyone on earth hears. He promises.
I have been oh-so-blessed by family and opportunities so many don’t have.
And I have a heavenly Father who has reserved a place for all of us in the heavenly realm.
Why do we look here for things that will waste away instead of things that are eternal?
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I say again, rejoice!” Philippians 4:4