Have you ever not seen God’s face, even when you’re searching for it? I feel like I’m blind to him and all his works and goodness. I went to a Cru conference this weekend—God is ALWAYS experienced like crazy there! But I didn’t experience him much at all. A realization, maybe, but not of Him, just me. I know the Lord; I haven’t stopped diving into his Word every morning to learn more about him! What is it with this funk?
I’m scared. That’s it! I’m freaking about the future when it’s not even here yet. Not only the test I’m taking in the morning or my lesson in the afternoon, two things in which everything I can do to prepare has been going terribly wrong. I’m freaked about after school, because I don’t know what I’ll do. Goodness, I’m freaked about the rest of school, because it involves so much work that I’m not prepared for! And ever
ything just keeps piling up and going wrong. This morning, I read Mark 4:35-41. I feel like I’ve been going through the motions, because how else can I try to get closer to my Lord? “Jesus!” I finally cry. “The waves are crashing over the edges of this boat I’m in! Don’t you care if I drown?” I can almost feel Jesus getting up and rebuking everything that’s going wrong, “Quiet! Be still!” I take a deep breath. I forget he can do that, sometimes. Next he turns to me. “Why are you so afraid? Where is your faith?” Hiding, it has been; I feel like I’ve been wrestling with it and trying to justify both sides (the world is so convincing)! But I’m not scared anymore. “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” Yes, the wind and the waves, the stress and the strain, everything that goes wrong, and everything that goes right—he’s got it ALL under control. I don’t have to worry anymore—I’ve got God on my side! And I get to run to him like a child running to her father. I get to lift my arms for him to pick me up and hold me even though I’m 5’6”. “Peace be with you,” he tells me. Because he loves me.