Once there was a monkey. He was 12 years old, yet still relatively agile, regardless of his elevated number of years. One day he decided that he wanted to go on adventure. So he go. He venture far and wide in search of world-renown large banana. He found that it was located deep in the jungle of the Congo. “Me find now!” he said gruffly. Girding his loins and selecting his sharpest mini-machete, Manny the Monkey dove into the chlorophyll abyse. As he go deeper into jungle he run into the giant anacondas of legend. “Bring it,” the enemy hissed and Manny prepared for a battle scene (cue). – – Editor’s Note – – This story has been altered to make it acceptable for G-rated audiences, and therefore the following battle scene has been adjusted to decrease the overall violence rating. Ha just kidding who cares about ratings! The monkeys gathered a huge army and charged the anacondas with spears. Sum up: the anacondas were pulverized, diced up, and guts were everywhere. The monkeys took hostages, sold them through the Black Market to snake charmers around the world, and returned to the Congo to continue their hunt a little—I mean much—richer. When they found the giant banana trees they found that a battalion of gorillas was there ready to defend them (battle was imminent). So basically…the gorillas were all like, “Son! I’m so glad you returned! You were lost and now you are found! You died and are alive again!” And Manny’s like “W-T-” and then everyone cheered so you couldn’t hear the rest. The gorillas served their “family” a giant feast, yet Manny remained on the defensive, not trusting the gorillas hospitality…his guardedness was wise, because during the second course, the gorillas jumped on the monkeys, forcing their little faces into the soup and drowning them in the pre-entrée dish. Little did the gorillas know that the monkeys were really faking it and drew their swords to slit the throats of the gorillas behind them. Blood oozed out as their jujubes continued pumping blood, and their throats gasped for breath. The monkeys grabbed some of the bloody large bananas from the trees, and, though tired, started eating (finally).
They say that when you eat the blood of your own kind, you never go back…this is, of course, because the bacteria A.auregeaes begins to thrive in your mouth because of the blood ingestion, causing a systemic infection that goes straight to the brain and rapidly takes over the Central Nervous System. So in layman terms the bacteria turned the monkeys into ravenous blood-thirsty zombies. After finishing the rest of the gorilla blood (yes, licking every leaf and blade of grass), they went on the hunt for more. Manny, knowing that they would soon turn on themselves, called Miss Pepper Potts, his right-hand-gal, to come and pick him up by helicopter so that he could return home with the Large Banana seeds and plant his own banana garden. In a very anticlimactic turn of events Miss Pepper Potts was able to get all the monkeys back safely with the bananas and gave them zombie medication. And as Christ raised us all from the dead, Miss Pepper Potts delivered the grace needed to save these monkeys who had died to the world. They were treated with a cephalosporin derivative and returned to their homeland safe and sound…yet miles away, Manny sat on his crazily tech-enhanced basement, speculating where his next adventure would take him.
By: Anna, Jill, and Bryan
-written in the car on the way to Kalahari, the end-of-project retreat-