So Here I Am.

So here I am, physically and emotionally exhausted from an amazing weekend at a CRU event called Fall Getaway.  My biggest question and struggle that I have been fighting is this:  What am I going to do with my life after college?  I am the type of person who likes to know where she’s headed.  Since junior high I knew which college I wanted to go to.  Well, here I am.  Now what?  I had left myself some wiggle room, figuring I would either follow this career or get more school and follow that career.  But I had asked God to show me right or left.  There was no wiggle room for him.  This morning, I gave my whole life up to God.  Where am I going next?  Well, I’m not really sure, but God is.  And he will lead me.  I just hope I won’t have to learn a lesson on patience.  Am I even following the right major for what God wants me to do?  I haven’t heard a call yet, but I am waiting, arms out, for God to lead me.

A call I did hear this weekend was to share the gospel.  One of the evenings, we talked about people all over the world who have never even heard of Jesus.  There are others who reject him.  And yet others who are waiting for a pull or a push in the direction.  Is that a lifetime call, or a right-now call?  Either way, I can take action.  So here I am, sitting in my dorm room, figuring how many girls are on my dorm floor or even building.  I have no idea where any of their faith lives are.  Not one.  And so I begin my mission.

My MS sometimes gets me down.  I dwell on all of what I can’t do, not what I can.  I can’t go on summer project because it’s in the summer, and my symptoms would sky-rocket being outside so much.  But I can share the gospel to my neighbors.  I can’t run around and be busy all the time, because I need sleep if I’m going to prevent more of my symptoms.  But I can still be involved without being too involved.  I can’t do this because of that, the list goes on.  So here I am.  I can do something else.  Something different.  I had a long conversation with my mom last night, the first part of it leaving me in tears because of reasons she kept giving me that I couldn’t. But then she alluded to the fact that there was so much more I could do.  I had just been focusing on the wrong aspect of my MS.  Yes, it prevents me from doing things “normally.”  But it also gives me a link to people who are experiencing things that are similar in the not-normal category.  I have a heart that listens, even if sometimes I have trouble with taking things personally.  People seem to vent to me….because I listen.  Even if I don’t know what to say, I have a comforting word to share.  And lately, I have a joy in Christ that I haven’t before, and it has changed me.  Because I have been loved from the inside out, I strive to do the same thing.  I only pray that the joy I experience in Christ shows on the outside, letting others see what good and what glory my God is and deserves!

As I have been completely off-topic, I will end this by saying that I had a life-changing weekend.  But it doesn’t take a faith conference to change someone’s life.  Anyone’s life can be changed by Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.  So here I am.  I still don’t know what comes next, but that’s okay.  So here I am.  I have my mission.  So here I am.  I have the comfort in knowing that despite all the things I can’t do because of my MS, there is a whole new world of things I can do, despite what anybody says.  So here I am.  I have a joy in Christ like I haven’t before, and I want to share that with “all who have ears!”  So here I am!

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